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Man Plans, God Laughs
What my recent illness has taught me, to find my way out of the dark, I have to follow the light. How do you keep a positive perspective through a trying time? When there’s no prognosis or even diagnosis. What my, unofficially diagnosed, recent illness has taught me, to be patient. The quote I have tried to rely on for years “Man Plans, God Laughs”, really is true. We can plan for the future, we can set goals, but the truth is, none of us really know what lies ahead.
Are you wondering what an illness, especially a chronic illness, can teach someone? How can being sick and less functioning be a learning experience? Well, what my recent illness has taught me, is that life in the slow lane, can actually be rather fun! When we aren’t zooming here and there, there’s time for more things you might enjoy in life. My recent illness has taught me, that I can and do enjoy binge watching TV and great movies. It has taught me that life, no matter how difficult, really is, still a gift! I have the extra time now to make things for fun and find charity organizations to help with my crafting.
A lot can change in a year!
A year ago, if you would have asked me where I saw myself in the now, it would not be where I am. I would never have imagined I wouldn’t be able to drive anymore. That talking and conversation would be difficult or when I write, I would depend more on spell check than I ever have before. Last of all, I would never, in a million years, thought that my vision would be blurry and glasses won’t fix it. Sounds like a nightmare doesn’t it? That in about a year’s time, a person can go from being a very high functioning, active and productive part of society to someone that gets a couple good hours out of the day. That now depends on her husband and friends to drive her places. That shopping in stores is now so overwhelming, the brain has a hard time with regular functions like walking, talking and processing all the sights and sounds of public places
Different, Not less!
You might not ever guess when you see me out and about that I’m struggling to stay upright or that I’m working double time to get the right words out when I talk. You might see me walk funny, slow or with a strange limp. Don’t worry, I’m not in pain, just my brain is shorted out and it doesn’t like to talk to my right leg sometimes. What my recent illness has taught me and what I’ve struggled with the most, is that no matter how I walk or talk, my friends and family still love me! They’re still happy to see me, even when my words come out broken or it takes me twice as long to get anywhere. So I’m not hiding as much these days and I’m trying to get out as much as possible to spend time around the people that really make life worth living.
Unexplained Neurological Degeneration
What do the doctors say? Well, after numerous doctors and having all kinds of tests, right now, the unofficial diagnosis is Unexplained Neurological Degeneration. I got the UND, as my friend so kindly pointed out the humor in this, because that’s what friends are for! My doctor recently said “sometimes, this just happens!” Really? Like, sometimes our brains, our neurons, just stop working? Like the battery in our car? Like the hard drive in the computer? What my now officially unexplained recent chronic illness has taught me, is that, there really are sometimes, no answers in life. No reason for things happening, no explanation for why. And with that knowledge, I’ve been going through a difficult mourning process. The loss of who I was and who I thought I was going to be, where I thought I would be going in life. Plans of things I hoped to do have changed. The path I wanted my business to take has taken a big turn. But even after all of this or during all of this, I keep looking for the light. I keep looking for the good! I am enjoying reconnecting with friends, because now I have time. They come for a visit and they reach out and text or call me more. My family is spending more time with my brother and his family, because I’m not doing craft fairs so many weekends. The amazing husband of mine, helps me fix meals more and hauls me all over the place when I need to go shopping or the never ending doctor appointments. We are spending a lot more time with our kids, watching TV or just talking over dinner. Life has slowed down a lot, but I’ve learned that slow is not such a bad thing.
What my recent illness has taught me, is that slowing down to smell the roses, is something I wish I had learned a long time ago. I thought I was living life to the fullest before, filling up my days, run, run, running. Trying to do everything possible. Now I see, that all I was doing, was chasing my tail and not really celebrating life. I have learned that I have to take care of myself to be able to do more for others. That spending time with friends and family, just hanging out, is not a waste of time. That every second of every minute, does NOT have to be filled with something. Savoring the sunsets and a few sunrises, is time well spent!
Less is more!
My most favorite lesson that my recent illness has taught me, less is more! Less time in the car, means more time to create! Less time up and around, more time with my people. Less stress, more love!!!
With this adventure, comes a future we can not plan right now. So everyday is a new adventure and my recent illness is really teaching me to live in the present and be thankful for all the things I can still do!
I craft to stay sane……what’s your go to that keeps you looking ahead?